Performance Standards for Missionaries

    Mission President

    1. Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
    2. Is more powerful than a locomotive
    3. Is faster than a speeding bullet
    4. Walks on water
    5. Talks with God

    Assistant to the President

    1. Leaps short buildings in a single bound
    2. Is more powerful than a switch engine
    3. Just as fast as a speeding bullet
    4. Walks on water when sea is calm
    5. Talks with God on special request

    Zone Leader

    1. Leaps short buildings with a running start and a favorable wind
    2. Almost as powerful as a switch engine
    3. Faster than a speeding bb
    4. Walks on water on an indoor swimming pool
    5. Occasionally addressed by God

    District Leader

    1. Barely clears a hut
    2. Loses a tug-o-war with a switch engine
    3. Can fire a speeding bullet
    4. Swims well
    5. Receives inspiration

    Senior Companion

    1. Makes high marks on the walls while trying to leap a tall building
    2. Is run over by a switch engine
    3. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
    4. Treads water
    5. Prays a lot

    Junior Companion

    1. Climbs walls
    2. Continually rides the rails
    3. Plays Russian roulette
    4. Walks on ice
    5. Talks to animals


    1. Runs into buildings
    2. Recognizes locomotives 2 out of 3 times
    3. Not issued ammunition
    4. Can stay afloat with a life jacket
    5. Talks to walls

    MTC Missionary

    1. Falls over the doorstep while trying to enter tall building
    2. Says, "Look at the choo-choo!"
    3. Wets himself with a water pistol
    4. Plays in mud puddles
    5. mumbles to himself

    Returned Missionary

    1. Lifts buildings and walks under them
    2. Kicks locomotives off the tracks
    3. Catches speeding bullets with his teeth and eats them
    4. Freezes water with a single glance
    5. Thinks he is God